Kind of Depressing

Lately I've been thinking about what I do with myself. A couple of months ago I was unexcited about my new job but I was confident about myself and working out nearly every day; I'll be a little egotistical and say I looked good. Lately I'm much happier with my newish job but I'm also kind of bored. As work has picked up my social life has declined. I don't really go out.. at all, ever. I'm also not working out, and I realized this evening I'm getting a bit fat again.

On top of my declining self-confidence I realized I'm somewhat depressed about my life and where it's headed. I'm not seeing anyone, in fact I haven't been emotionally involved with anyone for over two years or physically involved with anyone for almost six months. I'm 25 years old and I've had sex with three people. All of my 'relationships' have either been one night 'things' or serious long term relationships. Not to say long-term relationships aren't good but sometimes I feel like I'm really missing out. Maybe this realization is because my best friends through high school and college were something of male sluts, more and more though I think it's simply because I'm lonely as hell.

I live in one of the biggest cities in the world and yet I can't meet people. I don't know why.. I have no good reason but I seem to be completely socially inept; at least as far as meeting new people is concered. When I'm out with people I know I'm fine, but when it comes to treading new and unfamiliar ground or attempting to converse with people I don't know I'm pretty useless.

Drinkin' Time

So my brother had to work this evening, me I stayed home and watched this TBS show called 'My Boys'. The previews/commercials for this show made it look a lot like a stupid romantic comedy. Maybe it is, but regardless I watched the whole first season and really enjoyed it.

Regardless, my brother gets home from work around 11 PM and says to me, I want to get fucking drunk tonight. At this point I've finished my six pack for the night and I'm doing just fine thanks for asking, but I say to myself 'fuck it' and say to him 'alright'.

A couple weeks ago he brought home some '10 cane' rum which I wasn't too enthused about when I saw it because I already had some pretty frieking good rum in the apartment. Well tonight I decided to drink one of the three mini-bottles he brought home a couple weeks ago, and wow; just WOW. This shit was GOOD.

So we both have a couple more drinks while the first season marathon of 'My Boys' finishes up. The season ends and Jer puts on South Park, it's a hilarious episode (of course) so we finish watching then he says 'Ok, lets go get some more beer'.

At this point I have a choice to make; stay up and drink or go the hell to bed. Personally I say 'fuck it' and we go get some more beer. We come back and the drinking commences. I tell him to pick a movie and when I get back in the room the opening credits of Aladdin are playing. Now, I love this movie. As a matter of fact I still know the dialogue from years back when I used to watch Aladdin daily.

Cutting to the chase, I'm on my second drunk movie (Inside Man) and he's passed out in his room. Who's worse off? I've no idea but he's drunk asleep in his room and I'm awake watching and movies TV; you be the judge.

Dude, There's Your Car

So for a while now I've thought my car stolen. When I called the police they took my information and were unable to locate my vehicle and so filed the report. The police report was filed on December 17th. Much later (like weeks) I finally reported it stolen to my insurance company. I have no good excuse for waiting to report it, its just how things went down. Just a couple of hours ago someone from the insurance company had found my car, it had in fact been towed.

I'm really irritated about this because I jumped through hoops a couple of times to try and find out from the police department if my car had been towed. Once they assured me it hadn't I filed the report. Now the insurance company finds it with the tow company claiming they've sent me several certified letters asking me to claim the car, of which I've received none. This is almost certainly my fault for not having registered the vehicle in either of my last two places of residence. Coming to the point, I need to find about $800 in order to claim my vehicle, which I don't even want.

Loneliness

Have you ever had it happen that you just feel an overwhelming sadness, a sense of alone-ness. No matter how many people I surround myself with, how many people I talk to or chat with sometimes it just won't go away.

I never understood how I could be so distinctly not alone and yet be so incredibly lonely. It just seems odd to have people around you and know they care about you and yet feel as though you are completely isolated and insulated from the rest of the world.

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the realization that I haven't really been with anyone for two years; whatever it is it's damned depressing.

Warcraft

I started playing again, though so far my adventures in wonderland have been brief. As far as I can tell thats a good thing, its just been for fun and thats the way I like it. I like it much better as a happy little hobby rather than an obligation.

The Burning Crusade

I went and bought the expansion pack for World of Warcraft today. The consideration of doing which likely played a fairly significant part in my contemplations of addiction early this morning.

Hopefully this time I can keep it under control so I don't have to abandon the game so completely again.

The Moral Animal

I finished this book a couple of weeks ago and it was probably the most thought provoking thing I've read in years.

Its a book by Robert Wright about evolutionary psychology. The general gist of it was that all of the emotions and a large number of our moral feelings are just as much the cause of evolution as they are the effect of our society and its norms.

There was more I wanted to say about this book but unfortunately I've waited to long to write this and so do not remember what else it was I wanted to say.